Choke on the Water

Choke on the WaterA festival of Fun, Frolic, Dead Swine, and Vinegar.
Join the residents of Hotel Louise for this event-packed afternoon. What we have in store for you is not to be believed. This is the festival of all festivals. This is America Goddamit and we're having a good time.
Antique Car Show.

This year we've asked Larry Wayne and John Ed to bring in all the quality vehicles they have in their yard. Not just your every day Studebaker, these two rascals have been collecting cars for half a century.


Dust off the wheelchair and sweep the ramp, load up grandma and grandpa for this one. This wonderful display will bring back more than memories. You'll have flashbacks. Remember when the revenooers shot Uncle Buck when he ran from the still? How about that time Francine got her drawers caught in the outhouse door? And who can forget that favorite family memory, how Bobby Jack Junior got electrocuted while standing on Billy Ray's pickup truck, connecting the satellite dish in the rain?


Yes, relive it all. Stroll down Main St. and just listen to those happy folk recalling proud memories.


Hogs Roasting in Abandoned Barrels.
Yes, they're lighting fires, and slapping dead pigs on racks, just in time for your afternoon hunger session. Just like the French during the Revolution, smack some sauce on a dead animal and folks are like to forget it's a sticky old dead hog. Just as long as you don't drive up from Vanceboro way, you'll be hungry as hell and hankering for a big slab of pig leg. If you usually come to Washington via NC 17, why don't you take a detour so's you don't have to get a whiff of just where them pigs came from.

Pumpkin Patch and Kiddie Hour. 
Uncle Abner will be here to entertain everyone. Whether you're young at heart or young chronologically, you'll be amazed and amused at Uncle Abner's wacky antics. He's not just fun, he's damn near perverted. Watch him pull a crookneck squash out of his pants. See the dangleworm dance when you poke it. And carving, land o'mercy, he'll carve up the funniest damn face on your pumpkin that you've ever seen. Nary a soul leaves Uncle Abner's show without feeling some kind of emotion. (Disgust, revulsion... you name it.)

And be sure and ride the Magic Bus.
Downtown Restaurants.
Well, if pig in a barrel don't trip your trigger, downtown Washington restaurants will make you want to slap your grandma. Featuringdownhome specialties like fried possum ass, raccoon ribs slathered in crow sauce, and everyone's favorite, swamp turtle stew with Pamlico River seaweed broth. And for dessert--try the local favorite: flaming fungus with chocolate sauce.

And when you're hot and tired -- Get yourself a swig of a refreshing Pamlico River Deep Water Spritzer. Available up and down the waterfront, this amazing beverage is guaranteed to clean out your pipes or send you to the ER. Medical staff on standby.

You might as well bring a box of Depends because the whole famdamily will be so excited they'll pee on themselves.

And who benefits? Why you do, of course. No, the proceeds don't go in the pockets of the merchants, they go to local charities. Honest. Same way the money made off the July Festival of Illegal Aliens goes straight back to the City. Because... remember... this is America Goddamit.

So make plans now to attend.