Sunday, November 19, 2017

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Choke on the Water

Choke on the WaterA festival of Fun, Frolic, Dead Swine, and Vinegar.
Join the residents of Hotel Louise for this event-packed afternoon. What we have in store for you is not to be believed. This is the festival of all festivals. This is America Goddamit and we're having a good time.
Antique Car Show.

This year we've asked Larry Wayne and John Ed to bring in all the quality vehicles they have in their yard. Not just your every day Studebaker, these two rascals have been collecting cars for half a century.


Dust off the wheelchair and sweep the ramp, load up grandma and grandpa for this one. This wonderful display will bring back more than memories. You'll have flashbacks. Remember when the revenooers shot Uncle Buck when he ran from the still? How about that time Francine got her drawers caught in the outhouse door? And who can forget that favorite family memory, how Bobby Jack Junior got electrocuted while standing on Billy Ray's pickup truck, connecting the satellite dish in the rain?


Yes, relive it all. Stroll down Main St. and just listen to those happy folk recalling proud memories.


Hogs Roasting in Abandoned Barrels.
Yes, they're lighting fires, and slapping dead pigs on racks, just in time for your afternoon hunger session. Just like the French during the Revolution, smack some sauce on a dead animal and folks are like to forget it's a sticky old dead hog. Just as long as you don't drive up from Vanceboro way, you'll be hungry as hell and hankering for a big slab of pig leg. If you usually come to Washington via NC 17, why don't you take a detour so's you don't have to get a whiff of just where them pigs came from.

Pumpkin Patch and Kiddie Hour. haroldclark.JPG (7623 bytes)
Uncle Abner will be here to entertain everyone. Whether you're young at heart or young chronologically, you'll be amazed and amused at Uncle Abner's wacky antics. He's not just fun, he's damn near perverted. Watch him pull a crookneck squash out of his pants. See the dangleworm dance when you poke it. And carving, land o'mercy, he'll carve up the funniest damn face on your pumpkin that you've ever seen. Nary a soul leaves Uncle Abner's show without feeling some kind of emotion. (Disgust, revulsion... you name it.)

And be sure and ride the Magic Bus.
Downtown Restaurants.
Well, if pig in a barrel don't trip your trigger, downtown Washington restaurants will make you want to slap your grandma. Featuringapplianceporch2.JPG (11449 bytes)downhome specialties like fried possum ass, raccoon ribs slathered in crow sauce, and everyone's favorite, swamp turtle stew with Pamlico River seaweed broth. And for dessert--try the local favorite: flaming fungus with chocolate sauce.

And when you're hot and tired -- Get yourself a swig of a refreshing Pamlico River Deep Water Spritzer. Available up and down the waterfront, this amazing beverage is guaranteed to clean out your pipes or send you to the ER. Medical staff on standby.

You might as well bring a box of Depends because the whole famdamily will be so excited they'll pee on themselves.

And who benefits? Why you do, of course. No, the proceeds don't go in the pockets of the merchants, they go to local charities. Honest. Same way the money made off the July Festival of Illegal Aliens goes straight back to the City. Because... remember... this is America Goddamit.

So make plans now to attend.

Washington NC in the rear view mirror part 2

Washington-NC.com
The Official East of I-95 Community Alert Web Site 
offers this advisory: Leave.

Tens of official residents have boarded up their trailers, grabbed their spittoons, disconnected their satellite dishes and jumped into their king cabs. They're officially leaving the area.

It doesn't take an eighth grade education to figure out why.


Massive Fish Kills,
Off-Shore Predators,
Tidal Water Black Holes
,
Plagues of Locusts,
Beached Whales,
SEAWEED!
Albert VO. 5 Update
and 

Coming soon--
FUNGUS EXPOSE'

And, omagod, there's
the upcoming 
Tidal Wave.
Tsunami's are good news
for Hyde County farmers,
you'll soon own 
beachfront property.
And then there's them skeeters in Dare County, and they got some bad shit in the water too.
Tourism is down 40% in Dare County. Senator Basnight, help them please.
Washington-NC.com
The Official East of I-95 Community Alert Web Site 
offers this advisory: Leave.
Tens of official residents have boarded up their trailers, grabbed their spittoons, disconnected their satellite dishes and jumped into their king cabs. They're officially leaving the area.

It doesn't take an eighth grade education to figure out why.


Massive Fish Kills,
Off-Shore Predators,
Tidal Water Black Holes
,
Plagues of Locusts,
Beached Whales,
SEAWEED!
Albert VO. 5 Update
and 

Coming soon--
FUNGUS EXPOSE'
And, omagod, there's
the upcoming 
Tidal Wave.
Tsunami's are good news
for Hyde County farmers,
you'll soon own 
beachfront property.
And then there's them skeeters in Dare County, and they got some bad shit in the water too.
Tourism is down 40% in Dare County. Senator Basnight, help them please.
Washington-NC.com
The Official East of I-95 Community Alert Web Site 
offers this advisory: Leave.
Tens of official residents have boarded up their trailers, grabbed their spittoons, disconnected their satellite dishes and jumped into their king cabs. They're officially leaving the area.

It doesn't take an eighth grade education to figure out why.


Massive Fish Kills,
Off-Shore Predators,
Tidal Water Black Holes
,
Plagues of Locusts,
Beached Whales,
SEAWEED!
Albert VO. 5 Update
and 

Coming soon--
FUNGUS EXPOSE'
And, omagod, there's
the upcoming 
Tidal Wave.
Tsunami's are good news
for Hyde County farmers,
you'll soon own 
beachfront property.
And then there's them skeeters in Dare County, and they got some bad shit in the water too.
Tourism is down 40% in Dare County. Senator Basnight, help them please.
Washington-NC.com
The Official East of I-95 Community Alert Web Site 
offers this advisory: Leave.
Tens of official residents have boarded up their trailers, grabbed their spittoons, disconnected their satellite dishes and jumped into their king cabs. They're officially leaving the area.

It doesn't take an eighth grade education to figure out why.


Massive Fish Kills,
Off-Shore Predators,
Tidal Water Black Holes
,
Plagues of Locusts,
Beached Whales,
SEAWEED!
Albert VO. 5 Update
and 

Coming soon--
FUNGUS EXPOSE'
And, omagod, there's
the upcoming 
Tidal Wave.
Tsunami's are good news
for Hyde County farmers,
you'll soon own 
beachfront property.
And then there's them skeeters in Dare County, and they got some bad shit in the water too.
Tourism is down 40% in Dare County. Senator Basnight, help them please.
Washington-NC.com
The Official East of I-95 Community Alert Web Site 
offers this advisory: Leave.
Tens of official residents have boarded up their trailers, grabbed their spittoons, disconnected their satellite dishes and jumped into their king cabs. They're officially leaving the area.

It doesn't take an eighth grade education to figure out why.


Massive Fish Kills,
Off-Shore Predators,
Tidal Water Black Holes
,
Plagues of Locusts,
Beached Whales,
SEAWEED!
Albert VO. 5 Update
and 

Coming soon--
FUNGUS EXPOSE'
And, omagod, there's
the upcoming 
Tidal Wave.
Tsunami's are good news
for Hyde County farmers,
you'll soon own 
beachfront property.
And then there's them skeeters in Dare County, and they got some bad shit in the water too.
Tourism is down 40% in Dare County. Senator Basnight, help them please.
Washington-NC.com
The Official East of I-95 Community Alert Web Site 
offers this advisory: Leave.
Tens of official residents have boarded up their trailers, grabbed their spittoons, disconnected their satellite dishes and jumped into their king cabs. They're officially leaving the area.

It doesn't take an eighth grade education to figure out why.


Massive Fish Kills,
Off-Shore Predators,
Tidal Water Black Holes
,
Plagues of Locusts,
Beached Whales,
SEAWEED!
Albert VO. 5 Update
and 

Coming soon--
FUNGUS EXPOSE'
And, omagod, there's
the upcoming 
Tidal Wave.
Tsunami's are good news
for Hyde County farmers,
you'll soon own 
beachfront property.
And then there's them skeeters in Dare County, and they got some bad shit in the water too.
Tourism is down 40% in Dare County. Senator Basnight, help them please.
Washington-NC.com
The Official East of I-95 Community Alert Web Site 
offers this advisory: Leave.
Tens of official residents have boarded up their trailers, grabbed their spittoons, disconnected their satellite dishes and jumped into their king cabs. They're officially leaving the area.

It doesn't take an eighth grade education to figure out why.


Massive Fish Kills,
Off-Shore Predators,
Tidal Water Black Holes
,
Plagues of Locusts,
Beached Whales,
SEAWEED!
Albert VO. 5 Update
and 

Coming soon--
FUNGUS EXPOSE'
And, omagod, there's
the upcoming 
Tidal Wave.
Tsunami's are good news
for Hyde County farmers,
you'll soon own 
beachfront property.
And then there's them skeeters in Dare County, and they got some bad shit in the water too.
Tourism is down 40% in Dare County. Senator Basnight, help them please.

Washington NC In The Rear View Mirror

Washington NC
Official Tourism NotificationNEWSFLASH 2000

Follow the official hurricane evacuation routes all the way to Oklahoma.  Make your own Y2K Trail of Tears. If Andy Jackson were still in the White House, he'd designate the I-95 Tribe and create a reservation in Poteau or Moffett.
Don't look in your rear view mirror, it's officially over. 
It's time to go. 

And as Caroline just reminded me, be sure and take your Bible.
Washington NC
Official Tourism Notification

NEWSFLASH 2000

East of I-95 is under siege.

Leave as quickly as you can. Grab only the essentials (your grandmother, a can of Spam, the box of Moon Pies, Skoal, the coon hounds, and your cement chicken)

Follow the official hurricane evacuation routes all the way to Oklahoma.  Make your own Y2K Trail of Tears. If Andy Jackson were still in the White House, he'd designate the I-95 Tribe and create a reservation in Poteau or Moffett.
Don't look in your rear view mirror, it's officially over. 
It's time to go. 

And as Caroline just reminded me, be sure and take your Bible.

November 2017

Writing an Easter Egg post for Medium.com. I don't know where this post will go but I reference Blogger.com in the Medium piece, so I wanted to try out Blogger.com again, after many years absence. I host TheDeadMule on WordPress, so it's not going there but it does say, on the top of the page, that I am "Posting as The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature" in a blog titled "Nothing and Insight".

The blog archive totals more than 3,000 posts which is ridiculous since I don't use this account. Trolls and spammers must be having a good time with it.

If you read this? Good on you. I don't have any more to say.
Good bye.

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Wednesday, November 15, 2017

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